Hey {{first_name}}
When kids have meltdowns, our instinct is usually to explain more or try to fix things quickly. But interestingly, some of the things that help most in those moments are the opposite of what our instincts tell us.
Here are three surprisingly helpful things that can make a big difference when emotions run high.
✨ 1. Lower your voice… sometimes even say nothing
It sounds counterintuitive because people expect anger to be met with anger. But a low, calm voice breaks that cycle, often causing others to mirror your calmness.
When kids are overwhelmed, their nervous system is already in high alert mode. Loud voices or lots of talking can add to that intensity. A loud voice or trying to talk through the problem, can further escalate the situation. Instead, whispering can signal safety and help their brain return to baseline.
It doesn’t always stop a meltdown immediately, but it often prevents things from escalating further.
✨ 2. Take a deep breath yourself
Kids rarely respond well to hearing:
“Take a deep breath.” And let’s face it, adults don’t respond well to that either.
But they do (subconsciously) respond to seeing it and being around your calm presence. When you pause and take a slow breath yourself, you’re modeling regulation. Their nervous system often starts to mirror yours even if they don’t realize it.
Sometimes the most powerful strategy is simply regulating your own body first.
✨ 3. Reduce words
During a meltdown, the thinking part of the brain is temporarily offline. That means explanations, lectures, or long conversations often make things worse.
Instead, try:
fewer words
1 short validation phrase like “I know it’s hard” or “I hear you”.
Sometimes the most supportive thing is just being there while their nervous system settles and riding the wave along with them.
🍽️ Picky Eating Support of the Week
A helpful framework for feeding kids comes from researcher Ellyn Satter, who developed the Division of Responsibility in Feeding.
In simple terms:
Parents decide what, when, and where food is offered.
Kids decide whether and how much they eat.
Yes, you got it right: YOU decide what’s for dinner! As always, ensure that there is a safe food available at all meals.
This approach reduces pressure around food and helps kids build trust in their appetite and comfort with eating over time. No more bribing and rewarding!!
When mealtimes feel calmer and less pressured, kids are often more open to exploring foods at their own pace.
Meltdowns and feeding challenges can feel overwhelming in the moment, but small shifts in how we respond can make a surprisingly big difference.
P.S. I’ve been quietly working behind the scenes on something new…
Soon, I’ll be opening up 1:1 support for parents who want more personalized guidance that actually helps things feel easier at home.
More on this on Friday.
If this already sounds like something you’ve been looking for, hit reply and tell me the one thing you wish someone could help you figure out with your child. I read every single response.
You’ve got this,
Effie
